Frequently in therapy, my patients will explain a story in which something occurred that resulted in a negative emotion. And more often than not, these initial feelings linger causing increased anxiety, depression, and other undesirable emotions. A common practice I encourage patients to implement is to “sit with it” for a moment. It’s really uncomfortable to allow anxiety, depression, anger, shame, guilt, or whatever it may be to just exist. Many people try to deal with it in their own way which frequently leads to not dealing with it at all.

“I will be meaningful because I will be excellent.”

I recently heard this statement by a client directed toward their life. I found it significant and wrote it down. However, it stuck with me throughout the next several weeks and I even wrote it in my journal and found myself repeatedly returning to that page.

Upon my own self-reflection, I realized that I have lived my life with this mindset at the helm.

I strive to be the best version of myself everyday. I set goals, have expectations for myself, and work hard to “win the day”. This all sounds good, so why am I struggling? Why am I beating myself up at every moment of adversity? Why do I feel like I have failed?

I am not embracing the imperfections within my life.

As clinicians, we are trained to use a variety of therapeutic techniques so we can be adept in multiple ways to best serve our patients in their time of need. I have found that I gravitate toward Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as my foundation in sessions. It is an excellent treatment modality for a variety of topics or areas of concern. Without getting too far in the weeds, this type of therapy builds upon a core principle that our thoughts impact our feelings, and our feelings impact our behaviors. Let me give you an example:

Social Workers are celebrated for their dedication and service in the month of March. While I am not technically a social worker, I am employed with that title and take pride in the role and profession. However, I wanted to take a different approach for this article. You will find many articles throughout this month written about the hard work, dedication, and other admirable traits that my colleagues have which make them uniquely qualified for this role. But I wanted to take some time and describe what we are not. I feel that there are unrealistic expectations of a social worker at times and wanted to process these thoughts.

I am one week away 6 months without an energy drink. I have been at this stage before, but I am focusing on noticing changes in my thought process, behaviors, and physical sensations to avoid reverting back to drinking 3-4 cans of that anxiety-inducing garbage a day. Here is what I learned so far:

Over 12 years ago, when my wife and I announced we were engaged, I received a lot of marriage advice and counsel from people I considered or still consider invaluable in my life. A prevailing theme in these conversations were about the difficulty of marriage/relationships and the need to be adaptable. I heard stories from others that exemplified their strength and love in marriage, even in the most difficult of times.

I have a complicated relationship with caffeine and my drink of choice is an energy drink. I want to write a series on this topic that outlines the progress I have made in a concerted effort to abstain from energy drinks. It’s a fluid idea, but I want to discuss my thoughts at various stages in real-time.

Happy birthday, dad. Man, you would have been old!

I have a few things to fill you in on around here. Matthew is playing football again this year. They had him take snaps at QB and WR! He has way more courage than I do. Makes me wish I gave it a try when I was younger, but I was too busy trying to learn how to fish. Speaking of, I haven’t been out fishin’ in quite some time. To be honest, it makes me sad that I’ve let it get away from me. I feel so close to you when I am holding that rod and reel. I still remember that proud look on your face when I’d cast my line. Shit, I’d give a lot to see that look again. Matthew and Connor have been begging to get out on the lake, so I definitely will do that soon.

This is a story of how a guy living in metropolitan Detroit, who has no personal connections to Western New York, became a fan of the Buffalo Bills. This post was inspired by the frequent question I receive: Why Buffalo?