Energy Drinks: A Complicated Relationship

I have a complicated relationship with caffeine and my drink of choice is an energy drink. I want to write a series on this topic that outlines the progress I have made in a concerted effort to abstain from energy drinks. It’s a fluid idea, but I want to discuss my thoughts at various stages in real-time.

I have started this article 23 different times. 23 different times I did not make it one week without an indulgence that lead to the same pattern of behaviors. This is all within this calendar year.

I have moments of self-pity, lack of regard for my goals, and truthfully arrogance. “I deserve this energy drink because I work hard.” Or, “I am picking up an extra shift or an extra patient, I have earned this right.”

It’s all a bunch of bullshit that I feed myself as an excuse. I know it now and I knew it then. But I keep doing it. My limbic system is on overload and it’s concerning that I associate an energy drink, something I am actively working on eliminating, as a reward. My wife recently pointed this out to me that when the limbic system is wired in this capacity, you are at higher risk for developing other maladaptive behaviors such as a dependency on other substances.

Well, here I am. I am one week without an energy drink.

It has been difficult to navigate the cravings, reworking learned behaviors, and being aware of my triggers. Let’s start with the triggers. This is such an important concept. I have learned from my past that there were many times I had already given into temptation BEFORE I even took a sip. I would become negative, engaged in negative self-talk, avoidant behaviors, and a plethora of much more.

My triggers are anxiety-provoking situations, stress, and deviation from what I expected. Well, I work in mental health, have three kids, and I started a business. Plus all the day-to-day stress that we all have. Guess what, I am constantly triggered. I would buy an energy drink everyday and sometimes more. I felt pseudo-comfort in cracking open that can and drinking a stimulant. Yes, as a mental health therapist who has anxiety, I sought out something that would activate my central nervous system that was already critically overworked. Not the most intelligent choice. But over time, it became a learned behavior and a pattern developed. Eventually I needed more and more to achieve whatever desired effect I was seeking. I disregarded the idea that energy drinks were exacerbating the problem, and I saw it as the only thing keeping me going.

Well, this is not the first time I have been here. I have formulated this conclusion before. Like I said, I have started this article over twenty times.

Here is where I am today. It’s been one week and I have a craving for an energy drink right now. But I changed my motivation. In the past, it was to avoid conflict with my loved ones who care about my health. It was so my kids would not pick up on a bad habit or even worse habits. Or to lose weight so I would not feel gross to look at. These are all important to me still, but I was not doing it for a reason that was truly sustainable.

I am doing this for me. I want to be the best version of myself. I want to actually feel good physically, mentally, and emotionally. I want to eliminate the crap that is not helping me.

My thought process needs to change. I am working on addressing the anxiety and learning where it comes from. The foundation is a negative belief system of myself. My thoughts have power. This power resides in its ability to create a feeling. And a feeling can determine a behavior. Well, if I change my thoughts on energy drinks and maladaptive behaviors to something healthy, imagine the feelings I would have. And ultimately, the behavior would change. Learned behaviors are not permanent because our thoughts and feelings aren’t always rooted in facts. This belief has been the most prominent shift in my behaviors so far as I set forth toward my goal of complete abstinence from energy drinks.

I understand that energy drinks are not alcohol or other commonly associated substances that people think of when it comes to addiction. But, understanding that I have an addictive behavior and a limbic system that is seeking pleasure or comfort in harmful ways, it was time for a change. I am at higher risk to use other substances and I don’t want to find myself on a darker path.

I hope to have a 90-day article to publish in November, but it’s one day at a time.