Ever wonder what it’s like for people who are anxious? Or do you ever wonder if someone suffers in a similar manner that you do? The following is my internal dialogue on a typical day where I tracked my own thoughts.

In honor of Social Work Month, I wanted to take time to discuss compassion fatigue and how it applies to all the clinical professions. Compassion fatigue is defined by the American Institute of Stress as, ““vicarious traumatization” or secondary traumatization (Figley, 1995).” Additionally, it’s “The emotional residue or strain of exposure to working with those suffering from the consequences of traumatic events. It differs from burn-out, but can co-exist. Compassion Fatigue can occur due to exposure on one case or can be due to a “cumulative” level of trauma.”

As I look back on my childhood, different phrases or sayings my parents would say standout. It’s probably because as my kids get older, I am becoming much more aware of different life values I hope they learn before they are tasked with taking on this unrelenting world as adults.

As I looked around, I immediately saw the two flags of the little league teams playing that hung on the fence near each dugout. I looked into the outfield, and I saw my wife and two youngest children playing with a water bottle. That image will forever be engrained into my mind as it was a nice reminder of how lucky I truly am. I turned around and saw the wind blowing up dirt just before my son’s team took the field. Then I looked down and saw chewed up sunflower seeds mixed in with the grass. I smiled because those sunflower seeds are analogous to baseball, I looked up and saw the beautiful architecture of Defer Elementary School as a stunning backdrop to the baseball diamonds.

My wife and I still jokingly argue about when our first date occurred. If you tell someone to meet you at a location, spend an hour walking around, eat pizza at a local diner and split the tab, and drive home your separate ways, then our first date was much earlier than my wife claims!

I often hear or read people describing our mental health system being in a state of crisis. I take these comments to heart as a provider of mental health services. And it should bother all of us. I am a licensed professional counselor and I work in an emergency room as a psychiatric social worker and as an outpatient therapist. I have an intimate understanding of our mental health system and I have many thoughts on what is working and what needs some attention. However, I want to focus on only a few high-level thoughts for this article from the perspective of a provider.

I cannot believe it’s been 8 years already. It’s been a weird morning so far, but I am glad I am at the hospital today. This hospital is the last place I saw you, and somewhere I still feel close to you. As I parked and walked into the building, the car that transports deceased patients from the hospital was near my entrance and they were taking someone out of the building. It was a surreal moment as that must have been the same process for you, just 8 years ago.

I wanted to take a moment to reflect back on a post from July 2021. In that post, I wrote about being a People Pleaser and the negative impact it has had on my life. I feel like as a society, we do not always measure success fairly which can lead us to become hypercritical of ourselves or minimize our accomplishments.

“Daddy, will I see you tonight, or are you working late again?”

That question from my five-year-old son breaks my heart every time he asks. I work two jobs, and one of them requires 12 hour shifts in a local hospital. After I drop my three kids off at daycare, I do not see them until the following morning for a brief time on the way back to daycare. And repeat the following day. However, I am incredibly thankful for both of my jobs, and truly love what I do. But it’s that weird place of agonizing guilt of working a lot of hours and feeling proud of my work and desire to grow professionally.

Dear Peyton,

I am not sure when you will read this, but it is March 2022. You are currently 3-years-old and in preschool at Mini Kampus. I wanted to write you this letter to you to tell you how much I love you and to explain how proud I am to be your dad!