Be a Leader
As I look back on my childhood, different phrases or sayings my parents would say standout. It’s probably because as my kids get older, I am becoming much more aware of different life values I hope they learn before they are tasked with taking on this unrelenting world as adults.
“Nothing good happens after midnight.”
“Measure twice, cut once.”
“Don’t cry on the field.”
There were definitely more, but these are the most prominent ones that I easily can recall. I remember my mom saying that first one and I would shrug my shoulders and laugh as if I were invincible. But as I look back, nothing good really does happen after midnight. The temptations are greater, the inhibitions are lower, and the potential for something wrong happening is higher. But that saying continues to serve as a reminder in so many of those situations.
I laugh because I always thought my dad was just talking about cutting wood when he would tell me to measure twice and cut once. It was much more than just wood. I try and think before acting or speaking. I try and teach that to my outpatient clients. We have so much power in our words and our actions. And if we think before doing something, that power will shine in the manner we want it to. Think about that. Our actions and our words have power which gives our life meaning. Never forget that.
My dad told me all the time to not cry while playing sports. Some may see that as a negative, but I believe in this message that is so much deeper. He told me it’s ok to have emotions and it’s more than ok to cry. He encouraged me to have emotions. But his point was to finish the game with my head held high. It was always intended for me to complete what I started to prove to myself I can overcome the obstacle and that I am a leader for my teammates. I can remember many golf tournaments where I would cry in the car on the way home because of how I played. He told me to let it all out. He allowed me that time to be emotional and encouraged me to talk process my emotions. When I was done, I was done. It was over and I moved on. But that’s because I felt heard, valued, and my emotions were respected. Both of my parents encouraged those emotions but explained that being a leader is standing up in moments of adversity and finishing the game. Win or lose, you finish and you finish with grace.
My wife and I put a lot on our oldest son’s plate. We will do the same for the other kids. But as he gets older, my mantra has organically incorporated all of the above sayings and it’s “Be a leader”. He seems to respond well to this and I explain that a leader is someone who leads by example. Someone who encourages others to do the right thing, stands tall in moments of adversity, and someone who remains consistent. It’s someone who shakes the hand of their opponent, no matter the score. It’s someone who pulls up their opponent when they are knocked down. And it’s someone who allows the struggle to serve as encouragement for growth.
I often reflect on the following quote:
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” - Martin Luther King Jr.
I hope my kids stand up and face their fears, anxieties, and believe in themselves in all the moments that they face. And I hope that they remember when I say be a leader, I do not mean by being the best the athlete, or the smartest student, or the most popular classmate. I hope they know I mean never forget who they are and remain steadfast in their value systems and allow that to be their guide.
Your mother and I love you kids so much and we are already so proud of you!
