Dear Matthew
Dear Matthew,
I am not sure when you will read this, but it is October 2021. You are currently 6-years-old and in Kindergarten at Defer Elementary School. I wanted to write you this letter to explain how I feel about you and to tell you how proud I am to be your dad.
A lot has changed since last year and you have had to endure a lot, even though they were positive changes. I know you love your baby brother, but you became an even older big brother, which is a lot of responsibility! We moved from our first home and the house you always said “kept us safe for so many years”. You graduated from daycare and started Kindergarten at a big school with hundreds of kids. You have been tasked with making new friends and playing new sports and doing new things. Mom and Dad have needed to work more and you have been without both of us together on many different occasions. I know these changes have been hard on you, even thought it may seem like I do not recognize your stress.
Sometimes, I can be short-tempered. And sometimes I get mad and don’t handle a situation. And sometimes, I make mistakes. But, I want you to know that I love you, and every time I do make a mistake, I think about how I can be better next time. When you go to bed, I think about how I handled a situation with you and try to come up with ways to be more understanding. One of my hopes is to make you proud. This is a lot of pressure, because I don’t want to let you down. Recently, you told me that something at school scared you and made you nervous, but you were afraid to tell me “because I never get scared”. I want you to know that I get scared everyday and worry about a lot of things. But truly, I just want you to learn, grow, and accomplish as much as you possibly can even when it’s scary. I never want you to set limits for yourself and to always dream big because you believe in yourself. And in those moments when it feels impossible, I hope you always know I will pick you up! I always “got your 6”. I know “it’s annoying” that I ask you to do things you do not want to do, but there is a purpose for these tasks. I expect you to do great things and to accomplish your dreams, we must work really really hard. And whatever version of greatness you choose, I will be proud of you because I know you will give it the best effort you can!
I am proud of who you are becoming and I love your personality. You are kind, genuine, and already show others empathy and compassion. Please do not lose that. The world is not always kind or genuine and it can feel like there is no empathy. But I hope you continue to rise above that and show the world it’s cool to be kind. One of the many things I admire about you is how you stand up for what is right and wrong. I am working on being more vocal about those sorts of things! I learn from watching YOU too!
Lastly, I hope you know that being away at work is not an easy decision. But your mom and I do it to ensure you have everything you need. I think about you nearly every minute I am away, and would much rather be playing football, or wrestling, or doing a magic show with you. But in those times I can not be with you, I assure you I am telling someone about how proud I am of you. I carry a lot of guilt, but this guilt is rooted in my love of being your dad and my desire to be the best version of myself for you.
I love you buddy, and I will always love you. Keep being who you are and remember, it’s ok to be scared and I get scared too. But we always get back up, especially when things are hard. I am proud of you, Matthew!
Love,
Dad
